As wintertime has settled upon us in northern Germany, the sun now begins to set around 2:45pm, and it’s pretty dark by 3:30pm. That plus the regularly misty days even when there is no rain in the forecast has meant adjusting our routines to avoid biking through the woods. Forest and I got completely lost in the woods on a recent morning en route to the train station, with my usual landmarks obscured by muddy trails and the mess left behind by the wild boars who have moved on from digging up just the perimeter of the trails to mucking up the actual trails. So Forest and I are sticking to paved roads until springtime. We now essentially follow Julian’s paved route to school and stop at the nearby bus stop to park under cover, and ride to the Zehlendorf train station, a bit closer to the city. This takes a bit longer than our old route through the woods, but is reliable and easier to navigate, rain or… not shine exactly, but more like varying shades of gray. Tonight, Julian and I took that route to head downtown for a symphonic rendition of Pink Floyd and Queen songs at the Berlin Philharmonie, which was pretty awesome.

Recent days have also yielded more connections to people with whom I’m finding more in common than perfunctory greetings, which is quite a relief. I enjoyed a lovely morning stroll with a new friend through the palace gardens in Potsdam last week, and yesterday cackled and wept through the film version of Wicked with a fellow broadway musical fan, which was great fun. I also had a wonderful Thanksgiving evening cooking a meal with a group of five women from the American Women’s Club of Berlin at the local Ronald McDonald House, and really enjoyed the company of the assembled cooking crew as we laughed over the idiosyncrasies of the induction stove as we tried to fry dozens of falafel in a pan too big for the cooktop.

But the best night of all was the first meeting of a newly formed reading circle for a group called “The Jewish Activism School of Berlin” at a hipster Cuban cafe in East Berlin. We had read two articles in advance of the meeting about the war in Gaza and its impact on Judaism as a whole. The people who assembled were an incredible group of Jews from around the world– including Argentina, Chile, France, Austria, Israel and a few other Americans, led by a gracious former Columbia professor from Brooklyn who now teaches at the University of Potsdam. He introduced the evening and reading circle concept with tremendous care and attention to the potential minefields we sought to avoid, as he cautioned that none of us had come to “recreate the war” or “battle with one another.” As such, the conversations in small groups were respectful, heartfelt and downright cathartic as we began to unpack our conflicted feelings about all the anguish from the past year. It was tremendously moving and a breath of fresh air to be with like-minded Jews who also yearned to talk about the difficulties facing our community. I can’t wait for the forthcoming meetings, which will take place every two months. 

Those connections plus the bright twinkling lights of German Christmas markets and ubiquitous but tasteful decor sprinkled around the city have made for a brighter, more joyful month for sure. No one here would put plastic Christmas schlock in their front yard or blinking primary colored lights on their house or car. Instead, crisp wooden stars and classic silver and white decor make for a veritable winter wonderland. I can’t say that I’ve taken to the idea of warm mulled wine, but I did have some fantastic freshly smoked salmon and candied nuts at a recent market that hit the spot.

In terms of how I am adjusting to life in Germany, I’m still in the thick of it for sure, living what seems like a fairly classic expat experience. So rather than try to sum up where I am on the pendulum at the moment, I thought I’d make a few lists. The 1st is “expectations vs. reality”; the 2nd is a “best of” list based on our travels to date; while the 3rd is “what I miss most.” Here we go…

List #1: Expectations vs. Reality

1a. Expectation: This year in Deutschland would provide endless opportunities to connect with lots of Jews of German heritage who were also taking advantage of the chance to renew their German citizenship and enjoy living in Europe.

1b. Reality: The large number of Russian Jews who have fled here now lead most of local Jewish communal life. Finding Jews here is like finding a needle in a haystack. I am much more likely to find other Jews of German descent in California or Israel than here. Most Jewish events here are held exclusively in Russian and Ukrainian, and many are focused on the age groups of 18-35 with the primary purpose of matchmaking for singles. Two weeks ago, I was told I was literally too old to attend a Moroccan Jewish Shabbat dinner. Sheesh!

2a. Expectation: Germany would offer a high quality of life in the EU, with a strong national economy & stable, well-run government.

2b. Reality: Germany has a strange cash-based economy that feels stuck in the mid-1990s with several qualities that are still a bit jarring: most restaurants not accepting credit cards; a norm of paying for events by an archaic form of wire transfer that only works with German bank accounts; and when it comes to politics, a national government that is literally collapsing with mind-boggling leading figures on both sides of the political spectrum. The chair of the right-wing party has a PhD in economics, is skeptical of the EU and NATO, lives in a civil partnership with a woman from Sri Lanka and is known for her incendiary anti-immigrant rhetoric. What a combo! Meanwhile, the chair of the newest political party is a former leader of the Left who has conservative social views, left-wing economic policies, is anti-migration and is skeptical of climate change. I mean, these political figures are downright bizarre! Between the wacky German politics, the French government collapsing and the chaotic South Korean martial law moment, not to mention the fall of Assad in Syria, the world is definitely shaky all over. The US is clearly not alone in wrestling with disaffected public opinion, anti-incumbent sentiment and widespread unease about the future.

3a. Expectation: I would be returning to a culture that would feel somehow familiar given the ways that I thought I was “so German” in preferring neatness, order and precision.

3b. Reality: I am feeling more American than ever! German culture feels harsh & rigid. I miss people readily smiling on the street. We have certainly met plenty of nice and helpful people, but there is a prickliness in the general public that still feels quite foreign to us.

4a. Expectation: German efficiency would be paramount and the robust public transportation system would make it easy to get around without a car.

4b. Reality: German trains and buses are usually late and often cancelled for no apparent reason, leaving us stranded if we don’t have our bikes with us! Forest to the rescue!

5a. Expectation: There would be lots of great options in the grocery stores for yummy mustard and other German foods that would feel familiar and remind me of my grandparents.

5b. Reality: 75% of the foods in the German grocery stores appear inedible and a vast majority are pork products I cannot readily identify– thankfully there are Asian and Turkish markets to fill in the gaps. It is also oddly difficult to find cilantro.

6a. Expectation: German laws against anti-semitism would make this country feel like a safe haven for Jews in today’s world.

6b. Reality: German laws are so over the top that kids don’t even raise their hands in class for fear of appearing as if they might be making a Nazi salute. Julian now has a running joke about not raising our right hands in public. And I rarely mention that I am Jewish with strangers as it seems too risky/ complicated. I definitely appreciate Germany’s impressive ability to memorialize their past wrongs, but with the growing immigrant communities here and other variants of racism and Islamophobia deeply embedded in many parts of Germany, the current moment is rife with conflicting messages about what type of future Germans want.

List #2: Winners of “best of” in Europe so far…

Best food & wine: France 

Best pastries: Denmark

Best shopping: Italy

Best memorials & museums + best beer: Germany

Best overall vibe: tie between Spain (fall/winter) & Holland (spring/summer) 

Best sense of national pride: Finland

List #3: What I miss most from home…

– Family

– Friends

– Having a car (grocery shopping on bikes in the rain is kind of a pain)

– Our garbage disposal (no joke… can you remember what it’s like to wash dishes without one? So gross!)

– Our trusty and reliable gas stove (no converts to induction here)

– Our spacious Sub-Zero refrigerator & freezer (ah, to be able to store a full week’s worth of groceries!)

– Yoga classes in English

Fortunately, we will be home for winter break, and can’t wait to reunite with our people… and our kitchen! I’m already dreaming of our California reunions.